On the morning train was a mid age couple the lady was chinese and the man was indian and it looked like were both going to work and they both spoke fluent tamil (?) and chinese / tears / it was amazing
True intimacy = trust
I’m sitting on the morning bus, and this group of four ladies in their 40s is the most interesting group of people I’ve sat beside on a long while — they’re talking renovation and it’s both chirpy and intense
And it’s in singlish chinese english wow I also think that they must be Christians
Isnt there a healtheir way to be friends with her
Cant we just be really close friends
I mean honestly what is my feeling towards her? Is it really romantic? Or do I just truly like her a lot with no true eros intentions?
I’ll ask her about it real soon. It’s been almost 3 months.
Lord, lead me.
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You told me you wanted me to walk with you.
Where shall we go, Lord?
OH ALMOST FORGOT
Thanksgiving: 3h lunch with cellmates today. And Word in service today. Just… thanks eh ;-;
SERIOUSLY okay I realise I didn’t change my underwear out this afternoon because I thought I could go for a run in the evening turns out I didn’t so please ben change your underwear tomorrow
Things I’m not:
- the friend that en needs to push away
- the guy that mysteriously died because he asked the wrong questions and hypothesised too much
- the guy that fared worse than everyone because of his self-declared and self-professed weaknesses
- the guy that needs to do something to be unique
- the guy that needs to do something to be esteemed at all
- the guy that needs to do something to be known as creative and a reflection of the Master craftsman
Yesterday was the day I got sick of porn.
I stepped the line, and I felt used. Used.
I felt taken advantage of — it was unlike anything else, and it was terrible.
God, I can’t tell now if sex was designed to be beautiful, or if it’s just fleshy like everything else.
Even pinterest started to feel yucky and disgusting.
I will seek You, and I know You’ll have the answer waiting for me.
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Also, I watched thor.
Also, it’s week 4 out of 12 of internship now. Better hand in those journals son mhmm!
Guild wars feels so empty now puh. I can’t even man.
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Lord, I can’t help but ask You; am I really doing my friendship with her rightly?
/ sighs deeply /
I can’t, God. I do not want to misunderstand either of us, Lord. You alone know how Your heart aches for man to recognise Love as He is, and to fill the spaces between all man.
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I’m perhaps going to sew my own journal tomorrow. For work (?!) and for personal use.
Also I like my hair.
I don’t just want to keep saying sorry — isn’t there better than this?? Don’t You know more than this? Shouldn’t I know more if I really knew and loved You? Or perhaps… at least shouldn’t I be much more confident if I truly trusted You? Oh Lord I am a mess. Renew a steadfast spirit in me. But more importantly, let me stand righteous before You. Teach me Your righteous laws again.
Maybe I’ll bake for the interns.
Maybe I’ll try to be less stupid.
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Oh I still have dreams don’t I. I’m damaged but surely not broken apart.
I am seriously considering how I might bring music making back into my life again.
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I’m still growing.
Glory, glory, as I bleed. Please make Your son strong, he will not give up yet.
Was walking along the canal when it was dark
I don’t need the flashlight, but I saw someone on the other end using it so I thought well okay I’ll turn mine on too so it’s less awkward
I see a familiar looking friend
She’s at the front of the line, and she waves the torch and says “hi” in her high pitched whisper
My heart melts as I pass by, and walk past all of her cellmates
I’m writing this because I want to remember it
Bad is when you have a feeling that you don’t understand, and in order to decipher what that feeling is for you live around that feeling and when you finally realise it leads to nowhere you also realise you forgot to Brain, and tried too hard to heart.
We are all born from the same dust — Man and Potato are alike.
“Walao, typical YP sia!”
“ yp “ : ‘young punk’
a slang term used slightingly to describe someone who heavily subscribes to branded street fashion.
These’re just labels — things that we slap on people to divide our society so that we each feel a little bit closer to the slice of the social pie we feel entitled to own.
Are you sure there’s no afterlife? If there isn’t, why do we still feel the way we do about people who are already gone? Is that just… an error in programming of the species?
To feel the death of another, as if it were indeed a thing, though such a shenanigan should have no promising benefit for the species — can we number that off as just another of the Great Accidents?
This is bad the whole row of interns is sICCCC
29 Aug 2018
It’s a wednesday
I had dinner with james tay in Singpost centre
We found Germaine Goh busking
James suggested we bless her with some lozenges
We blessed her with lozenges and a cookie right after she sang “Blessings” by Laura Story. It was beautiful.
Thank You.